Dec. 6 – 24, 2017 
Opening Night on Friday, Dec. 8, 2017

By David Sedaris  

"I prefer being frank with children. I'm more likely to say, "You must be exhausted," or "I know a lot of people who would kill for that little waistline of yours."" 
Crumpet is just your average department store Christmas Elf. He’s your average, every day, chain-smoking, martini-swilling, foul-mouthed, Santa-denying department store Christmas Elf. What starts out as a mundane seasonal job to pay the bills becomes a darkly absurd quest through the grey and slush-filled streets of New York City at Christmastime. If the holidays make you feel more like Scrooge than Cratchit, more Grinch than Cindy Lou Who, more Abominable Snow Monster than Rudolph, then The Santaland Diaries is the perfect show for you!  

The Santaland Diaries is a hilarious antidote to all the saccharine the holiday season has to offer!” Miller-Stephany said. 

Start a new Christmas tradition with the irreverent, biting wit of this semi-autobiographical masterpiece made popular on National Public Radio by humorist David Sedaris (Me Talk Pretty One Day). 

New this Season, The Rep will run concurrent productions throughout the Christmas holiday. With the productions running on different stages and at staggered curtain times, patrons are encouraged to see both productions back-to-back.  

  • SYNPOSIS: Out of work and recently relocated to New York City, our main character decides to take work as a Macy's elf during the holiday crunch. At first the job is simply humiliating, but once the thousands of visitors start pouring through Santa's workshop, he becomes battle-weary and bitter. Finding some consolation in the fact that a few of the other elves were television extras on One Life to Live, he grins and bears it, occasionally taking out his frustrations on the children and parents alike. The piece ends with yet another Santa being ushered into the workshop, but this one is different from the lecherous or drunken ones with whom he has had to work. This Santa actually seems to care about and love the children who come to see him, startling our hero into an uncharacteristic moment of goodwill, just before his temp job ends.
  • LANGUAGE: Contains adult language. Specific words include: “son of a bitch,” “retarded,” “asshole,” “goddamned,” “tits,” “faggot,” “bitch,” and “fucking.”
  • SMOKING/DRUGS: Topics include failing a drug test and drug paraphernalia.
  • DRINKING: None. 
  • SEX: None.
  • VIOLENCE: There is one reference to a mother slapping their child.
  • RATING: If it were a film, this production would be rated “PG-13.”

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